Adoption
If you or someone close to you is being
adopted, you may be feeling all sorts of things – sad, happy,
angry, relieved or just confused. No matter how you’re feeling,
though, you probably have lots of questions that need answers. Here
are some questions that young people often ask about
adoption.
What is
adoption?
Adoption is when a court makes the
adults who are looking after a child or young person their legal
parents. The child’s last name usually changes to become the same
as theirs. The people who adopt a child are given ‘parental
responsibility’ for that child and can make decisions for them.
Adoption is permanent and means that from then on a child or young
person is legally part of that family.
What is a
court?
A court is where magistrates and
judges work. These are people who are specially trained and whose
job is to make important decisions.
There are lots of different types of
courts. The court that will be asked to make decisions about
children and young people is called a family court because it only
makes decisions about children and their families. This is not the
same as a criminal court, which decides if people have broken the
law and done something wrong. A court has to make important
decisions and it can sometimes take a long time for it to make a
final decision about who should look after a young person.
Are there different types of
adoption?
Yes. Some adoptions mean that a
step-parent adopts a child or young person who already lives
with them.
Sometimes a young person may not be
able to live with their birth parents because a court has
decided their parents are not able to look after the young person
properly. The young person may then live with a new family who are
not related to them but who want to become their legal parents.
I
live with my stepmother (or stepfather) who wants to adopt
me.
When you are adopted by a stepmother
or stepfather they become a legal parent to you and can therefore
make decisions about you. The parent who you live with will
still be able to make decisions about you and look after you. The
parent that you don’t live with will no longer be able to make
decisions about you.
How will Cafcass help?
Cafcass aims to make sure that the
court knows how you feel about being adopted and what you want to
happen.
If your biological parents agree to
you being adopted then Cafcass will appoint a Reporting Officer who
will visit them. The Reporting Officer will make sure that your
parents understand what adoption will mean for you and them, and
that they really do want you to be adopted. If they do want to
agree to your adoption then the Reporting Officer will ask them to
sign a consent form. This form will be sent to the court as proof
that your parents agree to you being adopted. You would not
normally meet the Reporting Officer, as they only need to see your
parents.
What if my mother or father does not agree
to my stepfamily wanting to adopt me?
One of your birth parents may not
agree to you being adopted, or there may be special circumstances,
such as when one of your parents cannot be found. Cafcass will then
send someone called a Children’s Guardian to see you. The
Children’s Guardian is there to make sure you understand what is
happening and to find out your wishes and feelings. They will tell
the court what you would like to happen. The Children’s Guardian
will speak to you and your family, as well as the people who want
to adopt you. They may also speak to your social worker and
teachers or other people who know you well. The Children’s Guardian
will write a report for the court.
What will be in the
Children’s Guardian’s report?
The report will tell the court what
you want to happen. It will also say whether the Children’s
Guardian thinks the adoption is in your interests. They will obtain
this information by interviewing all the adults and children
involved in the adoption and may also contact your teachers, doctor
or social workers. The Children’s Guardian is then able to form a
balanced opinion as well as cover other matters that the court
needs to know.
What happens after the report has been
written?
Your family will have to go to a
family court to find out whether or not the adoption will actually
happen. The judge will read the report written by the Children’s
Guardian and will also listen to the views of
your family and the people who want to adopt you. If you
have a social worker then the judge will also want to know what
they think should happen. Based on this information the judge will
make a decision on what they feel is best for you.
Will
I be able to go to court?
You may be able to speak to the judge
yourself and let them know how you are feeling and what you want to
happen. If you would like to do this then it is important to let
your Children’s Guardian know, so that they can tell the court that
you would like to speak to the judge. Sometimes a judge will allow
a young person to talk to them before they decide if they should be
adopted. Whether or not a young person is allowed to speak to the
judge in court often depends upon the age of the young person and
what the circumstances are.
After the judge has listened to
everyone, including the Children’s Guardian, they will decide if
you should be adopted. If the judge decides that it is best for you
to be adopted then you will go to court with the people who are
going to adopt you and the judge will make an Adoption Order.
How long will it take before
the adoption has been completed?
The length of the adoption process
varies, but can take between six and 12 months.
What if I do not want to be adopted, will
the judge do what I want?
The Children’s Guardian will listen
carefully to the reasons why you do not want to be adopted and will
tell the judge how you feel. The judge’s decision may not always be
the same as what you want, but it will be what the judge thinks is
in your best interests. If the judge thinks that you are right not
to want to be adopted then they will not make the Adoption
Order.
Will I still be able to see
my real mother or father?
You may not be able to see one of your
birth parents as much as you might like to after adoption. Your
Children’s Guardian will want to discuss with you who you want to
see after the adoption, and the best ways in which this can be
arranged. If a young person and their birth parent do still see
each other after an adoption then it may only be once or twice a
year. If meeting up is not possible you may be able to stay in
touch through phone calls, letters or cards. The judge will
consider what would be the best way for you to stay in touch with
people who are important to you before they make an Adoption
Order.
I
enjoy living with my stepfamily but sometimes I’m worried that my
real mother or father will be upset now that I am living with my
stepfamily.
Lots of young people tell us that they
sometimes feel guilty if they get on well with their stepfamily.
You don’t have to feel that way. It is OK to get on with the people
looking after you and still care about your biological mother or
father.
Everything seems different now, how will I
cope with all the changes?
Living with a new family may take some
time to get used to but remember that your new family are also
trying to get used to you. There may also be other children in the
family who are getting used to all the different changes that are
happening.
It is important to remember that
people do not always get on within a family all the time. All
families have disagreements and adoptive families are no different.
However, it is important that you talk to someone about how you
feel, especially if you feel very unhappy about something. If you
don’t feel able to talk to the people looking after you, then
please talk to your Children’s Guardian if they are still involved.
If not, then try to find someone who you can talk to, perhaps a
teacher, a relative or a social worker. If you cannot find anyone
you can talk to, then you could contact one of the organisations
listed on the link to further information.
Remember, your Children’s Guardian is
there to help you and to answer any other questions you may have
that are bothering you. The Children’s Guardian is only allowed to
stay involved until the court has made its decision. After this
they will no longer be able to visit you.