Rajesh and Meena's story
(All names have been changed)
Rajesh:
We’d been falling out for a long time.
Meena’s family kept interfering and telling me what to do so one
night I just left and disappeared for a couple of days. When I
calmed down Meena’s father would not let me back in the house or
see the children.
I went to see a solicitor and he said we needed
to get to court before things got worse.
Meena wouldn’t meet with me at court when the
Cafcass person suggested it, so the judge decided that a Cafcass
report on our family should be prepared.
Meena: Rajesh had been showing
less and less interest in the children and me. He criticised my
family who are very important to me (and who do a lot for Suresh
and Ravi). Then he just took off. When he came back I was
frightened and it upset the children.
The next thing I get is a solicitor’s letter
saying I have to go to court – that seems wrong when it’s all his
fault.
So I really didn’t want to talk to him at
court, although I could see that something needed to be sorted out
for Suresh and Ravi.
Meeting the Cafcass Children and Family
Reporter
Rajesh: I was expecting
someone to lecture me and tell me off but Martin from Cafcass
seemed to understand. He made me think about what it must have been
like for Suresh and Ravi to see me banging on the front door and
shouting at Meena and her family.
I found it strange that he wanted to see me
with the kids and felt quite awkward and embarrassed at first
especially as I hadn’t seen them for a long time. But the place
helped as there were games to play and we weren’t just sitting
staring at each other. I forgot Martin was there after a while.
We disagreed a bit as he said I should start
off seeing the kids at a contact centre until things were more
settled and I felt that was wrong – they are my kids and I
shouldn’t have to go to any special place just to see them.
I went along with that though as it was
better than nothing and Martin did explain that Ravi especially was
quite nervous about more rows if I came to the house.
Meena: I was a bit afraid that
he would take Rajesh’s side because men often stick together but he
seemed to understand how scared I had been and how Rajesh had
frightened the kids as well.
I also thought Martin would be checking that
the house was clean and tidy. He did visit us at home but was more
keen to talk to Suresh and Ravi. He went to see their school
teachers but it was good that he came back and told me what they
had said.
I wasn’t very keen to take the kids to meet
Rajesh at Martin’s office but they seemed OK with Martin and I knew
deep down that they were missing their dad.
I didn’t know about contact centres until
Martin mentioned them. I thought they might just be for families
with problems but when I went to have a look the helpers were
really nice and I felt better that Rajesh had to behave properly
because it was a proper centre.
The only other place would have been my
parent’s house but I think they would have had a go at him and made
things worse.
The Cafcass report and going back to
court
Both Meena and Rajesh found it difficult
reading things about themselves written down in the reports but
both said that Martin had explained what he was going to
say.
Meena: I just wanted to get it
all over and didn’t like going to court. I wish we’d been able to
sort things out ourselves but I know I was too hurt and scared to
speak to Rajesh myself. I felt embarrassed having to see a Children
and Family Reporter as I had done nothing wrong, but Martin was
fair.
Cafcass helped sort out the kids seeing their
dad without us having huge rows and they gave us some ideas as to
where we could get help if things broke down again.
Rajesh: I think if I hadn’t gone to court Meena’s
family might have convinced her to dig her heels in and stop me
seeing the kids.
We should have been able to sort it out
ourselves but she wouldn’t speak to me. Cafcass helped a lot
and I now get to see Suresh and Ravi every weekend. It was good
that Martin did not take sides and helped us look at what was best
for the children.