How an 'Our Child's Plan' (formerly 'Parenting Plan') can help
The Cafcass Parenting Plan
A parenting plan is a written agreement to support a proactive co-parenting approach that covers a range of practical issues for your child. At Cafcass, we are committed to ensuring that children’s voices are heard in every decision that is made in the family court about their needs, wishes and living arrangements. We have developed our parenting plan tool to better help you prioritise your child’s needs and ensure that your co-parenting plan has your child’s interests at its heart. To reflect this, the current version of our parenting plan is now called ‘Our Child's Plan’.
What is Our Child’s Plan
Our Child's Plan is an interactive tool to help you, and your co-parent agree on arrangements for your child. Our Child's Plan is an online written agreement to support a co-parenting approach that covers a host of practical issues for your child; from everyday communication preferences and childcare responsibilities, to living arrangement details. By putting your child at the centre of the plan, it helps you co-operate and collaborate with your co-parent in a way that proactively places your child’s needs first and foremost.
How Our Child's Plan can help
Our Child's Plan can help because it shows clearly what arrangements and actions you have agreed as parents to meet the needs of your child. Agreeing a plan can avoid you having to go to court to reach such an agreement or have arrangements ordered by the family court. Agreeing a plan shows your child that you are putting them first and that you will always act in their best interests. It shows that you have listened to them as parents and understood what is important to them. It is a document for you to agree between yourselves based on how you think you can best meet your child’s needs.
It is also an agreement that you should share either in full or in part with your child, depending upon their age and how much you think they can understand. As you create Our Child's Plan, you will be able to talk to your child about what steps you and your co-parent have taken to make their life easier and happier when it comes to how they can enjoy their family relationships.
The plan should help your child to learn about what to expect on a day-to-day basis, or over the next few years. It has a specific focus on what, where and who is important to them, and encourages you all to think about what makes your family special and unique.
Co-parenting relationships should use positive communication which is focused on improving the experiences for your child. However, if this still feels like a difficult process for you, try and take stock of how you feel, and remember that this process is simply about finding ways to put your child first.
Our Child’s Plan can help you as parents to:
- focus on the needs of your child;
- give your child a sense of stability and security;
- help everyone involved know what is expected of them;
- create a clear agreement to refer back to; and
- set out practical decisions about your child, such as living arrangements, education and health care
If you do decide to go to court at some point in the future, it is likely that judges or magistrates will expect you to have an Our Child's Plan in place.
How Our Child’s Plan works
You, or the child's other parent, will create the first version of the plan by making some suggestions. When happy with these suggestions, the plan can be submitted, and the other parent will receive an email with a link to view the proposals. These proposals can then be agreed, or other suggestions made, before the plan is submitted back again. This process goes on until both parents involved have reached agreement and the plan is finalised.
As you go through the creation of the plan, there is also the chance to create a version that is easier for your child to read and understand. You can suggest to your co-parent the parts that you think should be included by ticking the available box within each question. How much you include will depend upon your child's age, their understanding, and what you think is in their best interests. When you select a question that you think should be shared with your child, you can amend how the answer displays and write it in a way that your child can read and understand more easily. In the child's version of the plan, the content will also be worded in a more child-centred way. Your co-parent will have to agree with these choices and the inclusion of your suggestions before your child's plan is complete and can be downloaded.
Remember - this is a plan for your child, and you should address it to them as much as possible.
Our Child's Plan can be completed online. Before starting your plan, please read our guidance and helpful tips which should make the process clear:
Guidance to help you create an Our Child's Plan
When you begin to write Our Child's Plan, you should think about what you want to communicate to your child. You might want to tell your child that you and their other parent have worked hard to agree on a plan which will help them enjoy all the things they used to enjoy before you separated (if you were together beforehand). Or you might want to let your child know that you have not always got things right, but you are sorry, and that they are loved by all their family.
It is likely that you will want to include what the practical arrangements are to ensure your child spends time with all their family, including in day-to-day life and on special occasions. Your child may want to know how they can keep in touch with family when they are not spending time with them. They are also likely to want to know about practical arrangements and agreements reached which you know are important to your child - this could include who will take them to swimming lessons, or who will help with the upkeep of their musical instrument, for example.
The detail that you agree with your child's other parent will be important as you work your way through the plan, such as what times they can watch TV, or other 'house rules.'. However, parenting decisions change and adapt to the ever-changing needs of children, so what you share with your child may not need to include all of the details. You don’t want to overwhelm them or over- include your child in their own parenting.
Co-parenting relationships should use communication which is focused on improving the experiences for your child. However, if this still feels like a difficult process for you, try and take stock of how you feel and remember that this process is about finding ways to put your child(ren) first.
Please note that throughout this plan we refer to your child. However, the creation of a plan can be for multiple children where this applies. If there is more than one child in your family, but they each have very distinct needs, you may wish to create more than one Child's Plan. Otherwise, you can use the plan for all of your children.
- Don’t panic if you are not exactly sure which parts of Our Child's Plan will be important for your child to know about. Speak to them about what is important to them and talk this through with the other parent too.
- It is really important that you only create and share this plan with your child if you are ready to commit to the detail within it. This could include how they will travel between each parent’s house, how they might keep in touch with family members, or, for example, who will go to their school performances or football competitions. It might not be important to include details such as whether they can watch TV before they have done their homework, because parenting decisions change and adapt to the ever-changing needs of the child.
- In the same way, don’t make promises you might not be able to keep. For example, don’t say your child will stay with you on alternate Christmas days if you work shifts and you don’t know what your shift pattern is. Be honest with your child so they know what to expect; that way you have a much better chance of sticking to the agreements in the plan. If you say that you will take your child to visit their grandparent once a month - stick to it - you know this is something special for your child, and it will help your child to feel confident that you understand who and what is important to them.
- Keep your plan simple and focused. Write in words that you feel able to explain the meaning of and that your child will be able to understand.
- Remember to consider your language when you talk about the plan - Our Child's Plan is your promise to your child that you are working out ways to put them first.
Having courageous conversations with children can feel tricky, but as their parent you will be role-modelling openness, thoughtfulness, honesty, and how to be a good listener. You will be showing your child the importance of respectful relationships.
When you share your plan with your child, help them to communicate how hopeful they feel about this plan; ask for their input, and welcome their feedback.
You might want to think about:
- What day and even time of day you will share this important plan with them. Will there be enough time to process it and ask questions before school, after-school clubs, or bedtime?
- Where you will be when you share this plan? Is their bedroom typically the place where you sit and talk through things? Do you usually chat on a walk, or at the dining table?
- Will your child be able to communicate their thoughts with you easily, or do you think they might like some paper and a pen to write down their thoughts over the next few days?
- Who might your child say should see this plan? Their parents, stepparents, brothers/sisters or grandparents?
- How can your family tell one another if, at some point in the future, the plan feels like it is not working for the family?
As you are completing Our Child’s plan, you will see a tick box after each question. Tick this box for each question and answer you would like to share with your child. Please see the examples below:
For open text questions, when you select a question that you think should be shared with your child, you can amend how the answer will display for your child:
When you fill in your responses for the child’s version, you should aim to write it in a way that your child can read and understand more easily. In the child's version of the plan, the questions will also be worded in a more child-friendly way, for example:
Parent’s Version - Who organises routine health appointments and treatment?
Child’s version - Who will organise appointments for you like the doctors and Dentist?
And
Parent’s Version - What are the arrangements for our child during school holidays, bank holidays and teacher training days (not including religious festivals or special occasions)?
Child’s version - Where will you stay in the school holidays and on days off?
Once you and your co-parent agree and save your plan, the full version for parents will look like the below template:
When you create the version to share with your child, it will look like the below template:
Useful advice from our Family Justice Young People’s Board
At times, it is likely that you will have found co-parenting stressful, worrying, or overwhelming. It is likely your child has felt this too. Before you begin writing Our Child's Plan, it is a good idea to take time to familiarise yourself with the Family Justice Young People's Board (FJYPB)'s Top Tips for Separated Parents. These are likely to be invaluable as they have been written for people in situations like yours. They should help you and your child's other parent to focus on what might, and might not, be important to include so that you can complete the plan effectively.
The FJYPB Top Tips remind us that children and young people don’t expect or need perfect parents, so try not to worry about getting this ‘wrong.’ Taking the time to create Our Child's Plan shows how willing you are to get things right for your child, together, as their parents.
Advice from the Cafcass Family Forum
The Family Forum is a group of parents, carers and extended family members who have had direct experience of private law or public law family court proceedings. These Top Tips are based on the experiences of Family Forum members, who have devised them to help separating parents think about how they can minimise the damaging effects of separation and court proceedings on their children. Cafcass Family Forum top tips for parents on the impact of parental separation and court proceedings on children.
If you cannot use the online Our Child’s Plan, there is a Word version available.